By Paul DeGuiseppi, MACS manager of service training
Yesterday, my column contained a list of sayings I’ve come up with over the years that I call Paulisms. I use Paulisms as a truncated method of describing concepts, making points or observations, or even to just get a conversation started. Here are a few more.
I could have been a doctor; instead I do this. My parents wanted me to go to medical school, but obviously I didn’t listen to them.
I haven’t uttered this one much in recent years, but it was very frequent while I was still a full-time wrench. I’m sure you understand.
In my next life, I want to be a professional sleeper. Unlike most everybody else I know, I have very little trouble sleeping, and very much enjoy doing so. As a matter of fact, I’m so darn good at it in this life, I think it should be my profession next time.
There’s a reason I work on cars, not buildings. Every single time I tackle a home improvement project, I end up getting very frustrated. Nothing is ever straight, or level, or fits the way it’s supposed to. I often have to undo the schlock of a previous “home improver” before I can even start on my actual planned project.
I always use this example: when I go to “R and R” a water pump (or perform just about any other mechanical job on a car for that matter), there are always some known constants up front. But you never know what you’re going to find underneath the floor or behind the drywall. Never.
If the team wins, everybody around me is happy. And that’s a good thing. I absolutely despise football, baseball, basketball, and ice hockey. But please remember I live in the Philadelphia area, which probably contains the greatest concentration of sports-fan whack-jobs this side of Europe with its rabid soccer nut cases. Think about Philly—what other city ever had a municipal court inside its football stadium to process disorderly conduct offenders?
When a local favorite loses, I sometimes see people get into bad moods, or even become depressed. I don’t understand how the outcome of nothing more than a game should affect people this way. It does, though.
But yo!—when the team wins, happiness and jubilation! (Also not understandable to me.) If it’s a big game, some people even celebrate by setting fires and turning cars upside down!
In any case, since it’s always all about me and even though I couldn’t give a rat’s patootie, when those all around me are happy, things are just nicer for everyone, including me. That’s why I say, “Fly Eagles Fly!” Well, except for last season. Poor birds. Poor birds fans. Poor me.
If I never saw snow, any ocean, or the city of Las Vegas again, it wouldn’t matter one bit. I don’t ski, I don’t sled, I abhor being cold, and I hate fighting all the morons who haven’t a clue how to drive in snow. I never liked sand, beaches, or salt water. I’m actually not much of a water person at all.
I don’t gamble, don’t like most of the lame shows that play in Las Vegas, and to me it’s generally a pretty sleazy town. So what’s there for me? And as my wife says in one of her Pat-isms, can you name one other city in which your sole activity pretty much turns out to be touring hotels?
You should never feel it’s necessary to explain common sense.
Because it wouldn’t make print, I can’t go into detail or give examples for this one. Let’s just say that it relates to what I see as an increasingly sad state of affairs that has been brought upon us because of political correctness. (The license plate on my Corvette reads NVR XPLN.)
Sure you can come along on the test drive. But you won’t like it and I don’t want to hear one peep out of you concerning how I’m driving your car.
This one also goes back to my days as a full-time wrench. I did a lot of driveability and overall diagnostic work. As many of you know, it is often expedient or even necessary to put a vehicle through extraordinary paces in order to uncover a problem or problems.
Some of these extraordinary paces may be looked upon by a vehicle owner as you beating their car. That’s why I used to tell customers that if you want your car diagnosed and fixed as quickly as possible, it would be best for all concerned if you would just sit tight in the customer waiting room to await my diagnosis and repair recommendations. This worked most of the time; when it didn’t, I would pull out this Paulism. The vast majority of times, it headed off a tense situation.
These days, as a tech trainer, I have a few new twists, too. I often tell my classes to never let the customer ride along on the road test, and never let the customer see the car while the dash is apart. If they do, everything that goes wrong with the car between now and the end of time will automatically be your fault because of something they think they saw.
I have more sayings, but two columns-worth is enough for now. Perhaps we’ll revisit the topic again sometime.
When having your mobile A/C system professionally serviced, insist on proper repair procedures and quality replacement parts. Insist on recovery and recycling so that refrigerant can be reused and not released into the atmosphere.
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The 32nd annual Mobile Air Conditioning Society (MACS) Worldwide Convention and Trade Show will take place January 18-20, 2012 at the Rio All Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, NV.